Find Out Your Why

At 11:15 this morning I climbed into an Uber headed to a lunch meeting with other Heads of School and immediately pulled out my phone. I checked work email (even though I had just left my desk and email), checked Instagram, checked personal email and realized I was starting to get carsick. With the phone back in my pocket and eyes fixed on the horizon, I was aware of the five or six times that I went to pull my phone out on the short drive to Marin Primary and Middle School. One time I even took out my phone, unlocked it, and swiped over to the email app before I remembered that I was trying not to check my phone because it would make me sick.

As an adult with a fully developed prefrontal cortex, the region of the brain in charge of attention, I struggle with effective self-regulation when it comes to my phone and my email. In her recent Bringing it Home parent education talk, Ana Homayoun spoke to the challenges that our students – with their far less developed brains – face as they are constantly pulled online by social media and messaging.  

One of the strategies that Homayoun uses to help students develop stronger self-regulation is to “Figure out your why.” In her book, Social Media Wellness, she writes “I always encourage students to step back and figure out their ‘why’ when it comes to social media use… Is it for fun, to make friends, or to feel a sense of belonging? Are they going online out of boredom, anxiety, fear, or a need for a break from real life?” Homayoun suggests using the app Moment to track cell phone use for a week and then to discuss why a student picked up his or her phone each time. She suggests that “simply encouraging tweens and teens to ask themselves ‘why’ every time they pull out their phone helps them become more intentional and conscious of their behavior.” In her own practice Homayoun “regularly see[s] how increased awareness, combined with relevant data, can encourage behavioral change.”

If you are like me, it is not just our students who need to be more mindful of our reliance on our phones. Perhaps the most effective way to implement Homayoun’s advice would be to do such a why-analysis yourself first or, better yet, with your tween or teen. Owning that you have room to grow and modeling that digital growth will make your child much more likely to engage.

While I have not yet used Moment as recommended in Homayoun’s book, I have taken new steps to be more present and less phone-distracted. As often as I can remember, my phone lives in my desk drawer and is regularly stored in a cabinet at home. Am I a digital saint? Not even close. I am trying, though, to model good behaviors for my boys who will not get phones for a good, long while...I hope!

-Andrew Davis